The "socialization" thing - again!

Call me naive, but I fully expected to "not" have to deal with the whole "what about socialization" question when it came to homeschooling my children. Especially from people that know our family and realize we don't live in a cave or underground bunker. Doesn't it seem a tiny bit ridiculous to ask us while we are actually out socializing what we are going to do for socialization?
I understand individuals that don't home school might be curious about the socialization practices of our family, but that is a very different question than "what are you going to do about socialization; you realize they need to be around other kids at some point". For the record, my children have had traditional "socialization" experiences in a traditional school setting. They did one year in a private school (twins in Preschool; eldest in K). While there were some good experiences, I wasn't real happy about my five year old being threatened with being stabbed by another student - is this really the "socialization" people fear my kids will miss out on?
Instead of continuing to lament about the all the ills of traditional school based "socialization" (though I may throw in an example here and there) I will discuss how we view socialization and why we believe this route is not only healthy, but the correct route for our family - you choose what is best for yours.
According to New World Encyclopedia: socialization is used by sociologists, social psychologists, and educationalists to refer to the process of learning one’s culture and how to live within it. For the individual, it provides the resources necessary for acting and participating within their society.
This definition is important. The first thing to point out is that socialization is about people learning to live in the culture in which they live. Our children do not live in an age segregated, geographically assigned culture. The cultural values of our family are about our children learning to live in the world at large, to be contributing members to society at large - not simply learning how to live amongst age mates and peers in a public institutional setting. I got my first job at the age of 14, so I have been in the workforce well over 20 years. I have NEVER worked in a setting in which everyone was my age; I have never worked in a setting in which everyone was within four years of my date of birth. My closets colleagues and friends have been as much as 30 years my senior. How would being in a age normed setting prepare me for this? In fact, having been educated my entire life in a traditional setting, this was one of my biggest and hardest adjustments - living around and working with people that were "just like me". My entire childhood was spent with people "like me" - same geographic area, same socio-economic status, most the same race, most the same religion, and from the age of three - most of my waking hours were spent with children all within 2 - 4 years of my age. College was my first experience with people somewhat different from me, but even that was limited as I went to a mid-sized state university. So, most people were from my geographic area. I didn't form a friendship with an international student until my PhD program. I was so lost in terms of understanding that not everyone grew up poor, or in the Midwest, or in a single parent home. I thought I knew what "Black" people were like, "White" people were like, "rich" people were like - I honestly never even thought about Asian people or knew of the existence of Haitians or Greeks.
My traditional schooling socialized me well - I was perfectly capable of living around other people that grew up in my neighborhood! I had to start all over in the "socialization" process when I packed my bags and headed off to college - just two hours away. When I took my first trip out of the country at the age of 21 - I was again blown away by how narrow my world view had been. I was very good at socialization - I just had very limited opportunity to socialize outside of very narrow circles.
I didn't want that for my children. I want my children to know this world is big and vast with lots of different people, beliefs, cultures, customs, ideas, traditions, and experiences. I want them to be socialized not just for our neighborhood - but for the larger world in which they live. In the real world, people are not broken arbitrarily into age normed groups with a defined leader tagged "teacher", and a clearly defined list of assignments and rules and expectations. I want my children to learn how to navigate in a world full of people that don't always look like them, talk like them, believe like them. Socialization in a traditional school setting is easy - the groups are clearly defined and you know fairly quickly what group you belong to. The language is agreed upon and the rules for success are all defined (sometimes formally, sometimes informally). Not so in the real world - we have to learn to communicate with people that don't speak our language, learn to get along in a world where the rules change constantly, learn to work side-by-side with people with whom we adamantly disagree - and there is no defined administrative arbitrator who will declare whom won or lost.
So, what about socialization? We also agree it is very important and one of the many reasons why homeschooling is the right choice for our family.

100 Books for fun

Having a gifted dyslexic child can be challenging. He has compensated for his dyslexia in such a way that makes intensive phonics work seem unnecessary to him (until we get to phonics rule 50 or so and it becomes "new"). As a result, I needed something to encourage him to work with me and read, read, and read. Of course, he thinks he can already read. When tested a few months ago he was reading at the First grade, six month level. Not bad, but definitely well below where he should have been (he was in K at the time). I wanted to do something to encourage him to stick with me and for him to see light at the end of the tunnel as well as progress.
Looking through an Oriental Trading catalog I saw many resources celebrating " First 100 Days of School". Light bulb went off - lets read 100 books! With dyslexia, it is important to get kids to read, read, and read. It is also important that they read out loud and become comfortable with reading (reading aloud also lets the parent hear where they are struggling). So, we are doing the "First 100 Books". I got a an amazing cardboard train with 100 numbered large and colorful train cars. We will write the name of each book he reads aloud on a train car. We will start with simple Bob Books and work our way up to more complex chapter books.
I told him he got to chose a reward for reading 100 books. In typical, gifted child fashion, his chosen reward (and absolutely nothing was off the table) was to build a robot at night! His robot building has to be during the day, but he would like to be able to stay of late to build a robot as a reward. Not your typical reward, but it is motivating him to get started on his journey! If we are successful I will continue on to the next hundred. The moral of the story is to find a passion for your child as a way of motivating them to do the hard things. Reading a book out loud is a hard thing for a dyslexic child - if robots is what is needed to encourage my little guy to read 100 of them - I am all for it!

Life of Fred - Elementary Series review

Being and admitted curriculum junkie (meaning I buy way more books and other resources we will probably never get to use), I thought I would put my "bad habit" to good use! So, this is my first of many reviews to come. This review is on the new math series by Stanley Schmidt - creator of the Life of Fred Series. Life of Fred is a common staple amongst families homeschooling gifted children - especially children that love literature based mathematics or understanding the "why" as well as the "how" of math.
The Elementary Series is a welcome addition for parents like me - that purchased his books on Fractions through Calculus knowing it would be a long time before we were ready to crack those books open! So now, here is a math series that even the youngest of gifted children can enjoy!
Here are some of the really basic things to know about the series. First, the books are sequential; this isn't necessarily obvious on the surface as the books have the names: Apples, Butterflies, Cats, and Dogs. Of course, you see the pattern (A, B, C, D) - thus for a child just starting out in formal math education, you can start with Apples. For a child already firmly adding and subtracting, and even doing multiplication and division - it might be best to wait for some of the later books in the series (there should be one released in October 2011 - with ten total books planned for the Elementary Series).
There are a couple of reasons that I LOVE these books for gifted children. The first is that it understands the "less is more" concept that gifted children often times don't need excessive repetition to understand a concept. What takes an average person 7 - 8 repetitions to learn a gifted child can learn firmly with 3 - 4 repetitions. So, Fred (the main character in all the books) will introduce a math concept (by having a real life problem that needs the concept to solve), and the child will have 3 or 4 questions to solve to show they have also learned what Fred learned. Not to worry about your child not getting a firm foundation - the books use a gentle spiral method by re-looking at a concept in later books, using more advanced formulas.
Another great thing about the books is their use of language. They don't just show math concepts, they use the proper terms for various mathematical phenomena (consecutive numbers, commutative law of addition, functions). So, children are learning very early on the proper terms for the problems they are solving, why those terms are important, and when those concepts are used. I also love that it takes mathematics out of the theoretical world and places it firmly in the real world where is belongs. In the Life of Fred series children learn from the beginning that in mathematics, numbers represent units of things - real things. That 2 + 2 = 4 means that there is now four of "something" and that mathematics is used to solve real problems.
Probably the best thing that I love about these books and why they are great for gifted children is because they go beyond just math. They introduce and cover (even just lightly) all sorts of interesting things that gifted children normally don't get a chance to explore (but are capable of exploring) at a really early level - literature from Beowulf to Robinson Crusoe, Morse code and creating your own codes, geography, and even Archimedes. Children are also allowed to quickly move from small numbers (single digit addition) to addition using numbers in the millions.
How much do I love these books? The series is brand new (just got released a couple of weeks ago) and I am so impressed with them that I am scrapping my well crafted plans of using Singapore Math as our spine and switching to the Life of Fred Elementary Series as our spine. I still LOVE Singapore Math - but we will now use it to reinforce concepts from Life of Fred instead of the other way around!
And, for those families that are not home schooling - Life of Fred would be a GREAT after school supplement. It reads like a great book series with math concepts to explore. No longer needing to just hand your child a workbook, you can work together laughing at the hilarious adventures of Fred!

Hope this helps!

Do we need gifted education?

Another very valid question I am asked is do we need gifted education. It seems as if all of a sudden, parents of gifted children are asking for a different type of education for their children. The answer is, it isn't gifted children that has changed, its the schools.
My husband's grandfather - an amazingly gifted man in his 90's tells us often about his growing up in rural, poor, and segregated Alabama. At that time of turmoil and strife, he was education in a one room schoolhouse. One story he likes to tell is how he started school in the 1st grade. By the end of the week, he had finished 3rd grade. Back in the days of the one room school house, students were allowed to work at their own pace and ability level. Once you successfully read the primers (which would put many books in the schools today to shame), once you completed the math lessons - you were allowed to move on to the next grade. No waiting for age mates, no fear or "running out of work", no fear of getting too smart too fast.
The argument of whether or not he was "properly educated" is thrown out the window when you sit down to have a conversation with him. He is brilliant. He also has a career history that proves his intelligence and wit. He is credited with saving the power company he worked for (and retired from) millions of dollars. He was able to solve problems by taking a minute to examine the situation and utilize deductive reasoning. One story in particular is a stand out where the company brought it a group of engineers to solve a problem on a machine that had gone down. They spent days trying to figure it out. Grandpa Moss decided he had enough of sitting around waiting on someone else to solve the problem. He asked the highly skilled, highly educated engineers to step aside while he looked at the equipment. Figuring out a very nonstandard solution, he asked the men to help him adjust a part. They were hesitant (remember, this was rural Alabama and this Black man with only a high school diploma was claiming to have found the solution well educated engineers were baffled with). His boss assured the men to listen to Grandpa Moss, they made the adjustment together and the machine started up - working perfectly.
See, his intellect, his ability to solve problems, his ability to think outside the box was never educated out of him. The one room school house was filled with self directed, self paced, no holds barred learning. No one had to wait to be taught. If you needed help from the teacher, she would help you. However, you were under no obligation to wait for the class, not work ahead, or leave your eagerness to learn behind. As long as there was a primer and a math book waiting for you, you could advance ahead. When there were no more books, no more primers, when you had completed the entire curriculum - you were done. You graduated. No waiting for a special birthday, no filling in the time with busywork - go ahead and start your life.
Grandpa Moss isn't just good at fixing mechanical machine problems - he built the house he is currently living in with his own hands - brick by brick. He designed it, he piped it, he wired it. No, he didn't learn that from reading primers - another thing the one room school house gave gifted kids was time. No eight hour days in the classroom, no hours of homework at night. There was enough time left at the end of the day for exploring independent self study, even becoming an apprentice. You had time to tend to the garden, milk the cow, and still learn how to build a house.
As I watch my own children building with wooden blocks and Lego's, I mourn just a little. Even though we have tried to turn our home into the one room school house - there is still something missing. Something Grandpa Moss (well, Great Grandpa Moss to them) had that they won't. I often try to put my finger on it and I just can't quite do it. The closes I can come is normalcy. Grandpa Moss is most likely profoundly gifted, just like his great grandchildren, but he wasn't entirely unique in his day. Yes, he was probably the "smartest" person in that one room schoolhouse - but everyone in that school was a self teacher. Everyone finished their primers and their math and moved at their own pace. And while not everyone ended up at the power plant, being one of the few machine leads without a college education - no one starved. They all left with more than just a primer education. They were able to farm their own land, process their own meat, build their own houses, and read books in elementary grades that would stomp most college students today (Moby Dick was considered an elementary school text). While not everyone was gifted, there wasn't even a need to identify gifted. Everyone got what they needed. It wasn't unusual to start college at 13. Not everyone did it (Grandpa Moss didn't go to college), but there was no need for special permission to enroll. I am by no means trying to romanticize the past - life was hard, often times unfair, and hardship and pain were mainstays. It just makes me sad that as we worked to correct the past, to improve upon our yesterday - we managed to throw the baby out with the bath water. I truly hope we can find our way back - we need more Grandpa Moss'.

Why diagnose giftedness?

One question I get a lot from other parents is why it is important to identify a child as gifted. This is a very valid question, what makes being labeled "gifted" so necessary? For many people, being labeled "gifted" is the equivalent if being labeled "pretty" - while its neat and cool - it really doesn't affect your life and serves only to make the "non-gifted" feel bad.
Giftedness is more than just being "smarter" than your classmates, in fact - the most gifted children would probably not even be recognized as "smart" in a traditional classroom. This is one of the most important reasons for identifying giftedness - misdiagnosis. Out of its proper context, a gifted child can present very closely to a child with ADD/ADHD and even Autism Spectrum. The book "The Mislabeled child" by Brock and Fernette Eide covers this very well. The intensive focus, extreme sensitivity, and even turning into themselves and not interacting with peers can get a gifted child diagnosed with ADD or placed on the Spectrum. Their emotional responses can be so intense its scary and their focus on a subject or topic and keep them engrossed for hours, even at a very early age. In our society, "weird" behavior (what really turns out to be non-age appropriate behavior) is seen as a problem to be "solved", not as a possible ability to be explored. Knowing if your child is indeed gifted will help you to put any future diagnosis (or mis-diagnosis) in perspective.
Another very important reason for identifying if your child is gifted is that the more gifted a child, the more they are likely to be able to mask a true learning disability. Without our great relationship with our children's psychologist (who specializes in working with gifted children), we never would have gotten a clear diagnosis for our eldest with dyslexia (and subsequently vision issues and auditory processing). He looked "fine" based on the standards of age normed children. When we approached his K teacher and the entire board at his private school about our concerns with his reading, they looked at us like we had three heads (one big reason we are homeschooling now). How could this child have a reading disability, he was the best reader in the class! This isn't uncommon for gifted children and possibly the norm for profoundly gifted children - they are so good on so many levels they can compensate for their disabilities - for a time anyway. It isn't until their compensation becomes inadequate that they are identified - oven times when it is much harder to remediate their issues. A gifted child with disabilities may very well be in the middle if not the top of traditional class achievement. Without a gifted diagnosis they may never be identified as needing intervention to allow them to work at their own personal best. And, as a side note - if they are identified as having a disability, they still may not qualify for state sponsored remediation (yet, another reason we are homeschooling). And I am by no means stating that homeschooling is the answer for every family with a gifted child, just that our children's giftedness and our state system not set up to handle such children helped lead us to this decision. I just think it necessary to inform parents of gifted children that if they do have a twice exception child - they may be forced to pay out of pocket for the remediation of any disabilities. It may not be fair, but it is the reality you may face.
The final reason it is important to identify if your child is gifted is so that you can find a community in which to network. It is estimated that roughly 10% of the population is gifted, around 3 - 5% of those highly gifted, and less than 2% of those profoundly gifted. Gifted children are not all the same, but many share similar characteristics. Being able to talk with others that have a family like your own is important. Having someone else to discuss the "sock issue" (many gifted children have sensibilities to clothing - they cannot stand tags on clothing or the seams around socks) can be liberating. Being able to discuss the conversations your child is having with you that would normally get you angry stares or looks of disbelieve is important. Having someone who understands you aren't "pushing" your child toward academics - you are simply holding on for dear life as they blast full speed head is liberating. And yes, having a place to vent and brag is important as well. Your gifted child is special, your gifted family unique (because gifted children aren't randomly born - there is giftedness inside of you as well) - it is important to find your "tribe", your community in which you feel safe and free to be you. I hope this blog becomes such a place, but even if you don't connect here - please connect somewhere. There are lots of online sites, listservs, and blogs. There are also real life communities (mostly in large metropolitan) areas where you can connect with other gifted families. I would also recommend at least one visit to a psychologist that specializes in working with gifted children. You may need a professional to help you advocate for your child in their school setting, or help you get a more proper diagnosis for your child when a label doesn't seem to fit quite right, or just someone to let you know you aren't crazy - your five year old really is ready for physics.

To one's full potential

One of the hardest concepts for a parent of a gifted child to contend with is "full potential". People love to talk about allowing children to work to "their full potential" until they encounter a gifted child - especially a profoundly gifted child. We found this out with my eldest. He had been grade skipped into Kindergarten, was reading a a First grade level, but something just wasn't "right". So, we took him to a psychologist who specializes in working with gifted children (and who is amazing by the way!!) and our suspicion was confirm - he was dyslexic. As we searched deeper into his issue with reading we also found he had severe vision issues.
Now, fixing the "reading problems" of a child reading two grade levels above where he should be age wise becomes a challenge. Not to us, but to the traditional world of education, which we found we just couldn't bear to navigate. "Problem, what problem? He is the best reader in the class!" Okay. That might be true, but that wasn't his full potential and that wasn't okay with us and it shouldn't be okay with anyone.
I found people are very comfortable encouraging a child to work to their potential when you are talking about a child below the norm. Of course we want every child to be all they can be! Really? I had hoped this would be the case. Unfortunately, I began to feel the push to isolate and conceal. Conceal the fact that our three year old twins would be doing First grade math in the fall. When a gifted child begins to work to their full potential, it can become very uncomfortable for those around the child. It seems unnatural - does this little kid really like math that much? Yes.
I believe one of the hardest things people must fight against is comparison. My children working at advanced levels in academic subjects in no slight against any other child on the planet. My husband and I don't think our children better than any other children, we don't look down on anyone and don't consider other children "behind". Honestly, we are so busy trying to hang on for dear life as our children learn and grow we don't have time to think, let alone think ourselves "lucky" or "above". How can I think of myself as above, I need to wear a life preserver to keep for sinking under the weight of the challenge and responsibility of educating these three children that refuse to fit into a box called "age appropriate".
That is really what this blog is about. Wanting to finally give a voice to all those parents like us, hanging on for the ride. To show the people there is no formula for a gifted child, if they learn to read at 3 or 5 or 7, it really isn't the work of brilliant parents - these kids are just made in a unique way. Having at least one "twice exceptional" child (a gifted child with a learning disability) is an even bigger challenge. Have you ever seen someone park in a handicapped parking space - only to get out of the car looking perfectly healthy? This is the plight of the twice exceptional child - no one can "see" the disability - so they believe you are a fake and a phony trying to get some unfair advantage. So, here we are - dealing with the jeers and the sneers as we struggle with challenges people can't see with the naked eye. Its okay though - my child is worth the the struggle of giving him the opportunity to work to his "full potential". I'll admit, its amazing to watch.

Your kids are doing what?

Have you ever had "this" conversation? If you are the parent of a gifted child, the answer is probably yes. If you are the parent of a homeschooler, the answer is more often than not yes. If you are the parent of a gifted homeschooled child - the answer is definitely "YES"! It is often hard for many people to come to terms with what it is like to homeschool a gifted child. The is particularly true for young gifted children. Due to asynchronous development, it is not uncommon for gifted young children to have a curriculum plan that looks like Frankenstein went and got a PhD in Education. When I talk of our children doing both phonics and physics, people look at me like I have 2 heads, and only because the third just fell off and dropped onto the floor!
But, it is our life, so I thought I would write about. This isn't so much for others, but just to help me organize our lives. And yes, it is June and I am preparing for Fall. It will honestly take me that long to get everything organized. Mainly because with gifted young children - you are constantly balancing developmentally appropriate with age appropriate. Writing is limited by fine motor skills. Reading is limited by vision development and font size. Diving into an online "live" course is limited by nap time! And no matter how open minded another robot "geek" is, it just isn't cool to say your best buddy and collaboration partner when it comes to robot design is five years old - especially when you are 12! So, we are always walking a tightrope, finding resources that will work with our lives. Deciding just how "deep" we can go with certain issues. This is why we have chosen to stay clear of history for a bit. Not because I deem history unimportant, but because I know the types of questions my three year old daughter asks, and she isn't emotionally prepared to handle the "why" of slavery or war or human sacrifice or many of the other issues that would take place when we studied anything from American history to Egyptian history.
So, what are we doing?
This fall we will be doing the following subjects:
Intensive Phonics
Nature Science
Physics
Mandarin
Music Appreciation
Each child will also continue in their musical instruments (one on drums, one on violin, one on piano)
We will be doing one weekly coop (we think) and one occasional coop for field trips and special events.
We will also be doing some "specials"
Bible/Ethics/Moral Development
Logic

The kids also get to do some clubs at a private school that are available to us through their afterschool program:
Mandarin Club
Dance Club
Art Club
Science Club

My eldest will also be trying out  a Science Club through a local organization.

Here's to preparing for a great Fall!