Is Every Child Gifted?

The picture above is a box of "giftedness". Apparently all children have this magically box, some are just told they can't have theirs just yet. Is that helpful or just plain cruel?

Every few months there comes about a blog post or a FB meme stating "Every child is gifted." The latest one rolling around in social media land states, "Every child is gifted, they just unwrap their packages at different times." These memes never answer the question of what do we call children that learn and absorb information at a much higher rate than what we would expect to find in the human population? What should we do with those children? Should we require them to sit in the same class as all the other children (since everyone is gifted) and stare at the wall while everyone else tries to learn what they mastered two years ago? Should we require them to help the teacher get the other students up to their level, using them as unpaid tutors and teacher's aides? Should we give them extra work as punishment for finishing early? Should we tell them "you aren't so smart" and try to find things they suck at in order to embarrass them and bring them down a few pegs? I ask because, these are ALL things that happen when people with the premise that "every child is gifted" are put in charge of the education of gifted children. It becomes a mission to prove that kid really isn't that bright.

If everyone "unwraps their package at different times", why do we make the kids that have already "unwrapped their package" sit and wait while other people try to figure out how to unwrap theirs? Even worse, do the kids who haven't "unwrapped their package" sit around frustrated because everyone is telling them, "You're just as good as Little Johnny, just get that package unwrapped!" while they struggle with concepts that are appropriate for them to be struggling with at that time. Telling EVERY kid that are just as "gifted" as the math genius sitting next to them, or the spelling whiz in the class next door, or the kid down the hall that just got the patent for an invention then sets the precedent that EVERY kid is actually expected to be a math genius or a spelling whiz or a peer reviewed published scientist by the time they reach middle school. What happens when they aren't, but everyone keeps telling them they should be? Have you seen the pressure being put on kids today? Thank the "every child is gifted" folks for that.

Here is the point I think is missed with these "everyone is gifted" commentaries - most people aren't gifted - and they are doing fine in life! Not every leading scientist if gifted. Not every mathematician is gifted. Not every prima ballerina is gifted. Not every spelling bee champ is gifted. A non gifted child can STILL graduate with a 4.5, get a full ride scholarship to a top university, and lead a happy and fulfilling life. Being gifted may put a child ahead in "school" (sometimes), but it by no means puts them ahead in life. What is the point of telling a child they are gifted, just a "late bloomer" when there is absolutely zero lifetime advantage from being gifted? For every Einstein there are thousands of gifted people that became scientists whose names we never, ever read about - because they never did anything "notable". Just like for every Michael Jordan there are thousands of athletically superior basketball players that never played competitively after high school, or just did "okay" in college, or never made it off the bench in the NBA. And then you have the scores of people that played the hand they were dealt and we know their story as well. We know their name because they did something notable in this world.

The problem is - we assume EVERY successful scientist, mathematician, engineer, artist, playwright, etc. is/was "gifted". We have determined that in order to be amazingly successful one must be "gifted". This is the greatest tragedy in the entire debate of whether every child is "gifted". Instead of the conversation being "every child is gifted", why can't we say, "Not every child is gifted, but given the most appropriate tools, attention, experience, and opportunity - every child can be amazing." Gifted is not a one way ticket to an amazing life, it isn't even a head start. Gifted children need different things in their education simply because the way they process information and navigate the world is different. If not provided with those appropriate tools - we limit their chance at being "amazing" - whatever that means for them. It is also true that by trying to force fit children that fit the normal curve of human intelligence into a gifted box and push them in ways that work for gifted kids, but don't work for others - we limit their chance of being amazing - whatever that means for them.

The next time someone finds themselves spouting that "every child is gifted", ask yourself why. Maybe you should think about how harmful it is to a child to tell them they are simply "waiting to unwrap their gift". You are telling them they aren't good enough right now, the way they are. You are telling them they are incomplete and their true self is in a box somewhere - waiting to be let out. You are telling them that they don't currently have what it takes to be good, let alone great. You are telling them the ability to be amazing is somehow off limits and out of reach for them until this mysterious box of "gifted" is unwrapped at some later time. You have, in fact, done the opposite of what your whole "gifted" meme was trying to portray. Instead of telling every child they are special, you have told 90% of all children (because only around 10% of the population would be clinically classified as gifted) that they are behind, stunted in growth, late to bloom, inferior, and in a holding pattern for intelligence and success. You have told them that who they are, today, right now - isn't good enough. And, with the premise that they are the ones who "unwrap" this gift - you have told them it is all their fault.

Please visit: http://giftedhomeschoolers.org/resources/parent-and-professional-resources/articles/are-all-children-gifted/

Depth - the Gifted Child's Number One Passion

"Help your child find their passion!" We all tend to hear these words in one way or another. I remember being able to rattle off the areas of passion for my three gifted children. However, I noticed something. As they got older (and by older I am talking the 5 - 7 age range), their passions seemed to be changing. They would pick something up for three months, then seem to just toss it to the side. However, about a year later they would come back to that discarded topic and start right back where they left off.
At first I got frustrated, but then I realized something. They stuck with a topic until they reached a point where learning more would take skills beyond what they had at that moment. Maybe they would need mathematical concepts they had not yet mastered, maybe they would need a level of abstract reasoning abilities beyond their current level of maturity. Whatever it was, they seemed to know when they hit their limit of what they could understand. What was interesting - if they couldn't learn more, if they couldn't learn deeper - they would rather walk away until they could. Surface level knowledge and understanding just wasn't enough for them.
This is one thing that seems to really set apart gifted children, especially highly to profoundly gifted children. It isn't so much having a passion, it is the way they go about pursuing their passion. The absolute drive to see as deeply inside an object, an area of study, even an idea - is unrelenting.
As our homeschooling journey continues, I am seeing our homeschool diverge even from those we had been traveling with for a while. Other homeschoolers seemed to be able to move swiftly from one topic to another. It might be hydraulics one week and dissections the next. People would look at us and say, "Your kid is still working on solar ovens? We did a solar oven three years ago!"
This expression of surprise was the key to my understanding just how the differences of gifted children manifest in those middle years. It wasn't enough for my eldest to build a solar oven. He had to study it, to see how he could get it to work more efficiently. He had to work with designs and invent new components that he hadn't seen tried before. It was never enough to simply "do" and move on. He couldn't move on until he understood as much as he could; and yes, three years later he is still working on solar ovens. He is also still working on geography, still working on studies of weasels, still working on learning about the environment. My daughter is still working on astronomy. People seemed a bit surprised - "Didn't she do a report on the eight planets when she was five years old, including telling us why Pluto got demoted? Isn't she done?" No, she isn't. At seven years old she understands there are years and years of things left for her to learn. And yes, she is still studying animals and nature. Her twin brother is still, two years later, reading the same book on "building" - he truly wants to understand what it is going to take to be an inventor, a builder, a creator.
I can't name just one passion they have, but I can articulate their number one passion - depth. To other people it looks like my children have simple jumped into a few small puddles - they don't understand that while the surface area of those puddles are small, those puddles are miles deep. My kids can't be finished with a topic by simply completing a project or report - they can't leave until there is nothing more that can be known with their capacity to understand in that moment.
I get we might be left behind while other people move from one project to the next. That is okay - I am focusing on letting my kids pursue their passion.

Why Professor X Needed a School for the Gifted

In this month's Gifted Homeschooler's Forum Blog Hop we got an opportunity to talk about why community was important. Going back to my "mutant roots" let's talk about  why Professor X, of the X-Men, needed a school for the gifted - and why us mere humans need such a community as well.

Hope you enjoy!

Remember - Mutant and Proud!

Join me for a webinar on Teaching the Dyslexic Advantages with a STEM Homeschool

While many people know we have a STEM based homeschool, most don't know the driving reason behind that decision was the way STEM lends itself to maximizing the dyslexic advantages. I learned about the advantages of dyslexia through a book by Drs Brock and Fernette Eide, both MDs. Their book, "The Dyslexic Advantage: Unlocking the Hidden Potential of the Dyslexic Brain" described the four common advantages, or strengths, associated with dyslexia. I took each of the found "M.I.N.D." strengths and integrated them as fundamental principles in our homeschool with amazing results. The way I integrated those strengths was through have a STEM based homeschool.
After following this philosophy for going into our fourth year, I see my children not only thrive, but exceed my wildest expectation.
I had a conversation with Dr. Fernette Eide, talking to her about our homeschool and how we used the dyslexic advantages and she asked if I would be willing to share what we do in our homeschool with others. I am so excited about the opportunity to do just that with a webinar taking place this Wednesday, October 8th, at 5:30 PM PST. If you would like to attend, please feel free to register at the link below. I will be explaining in depth how we set up a STEM based homeschool, how we integrated the dyslexic advantages into every aspect of our homeschool, and advice for others who think all or parts of this philosophy will work for them. The webinar is free and should last roughly an hour. Hope to see you there. Click on the link below to register.

Click here:
Dyslexic Advantage Webinar: Teaching the Dyslexic Advantages with a STEM Homeschool

Superheroes and Created Villains

Identified gifted children can sometimes look like Superman in their intellectual abilities. Seeing their abilities can make having a Superman seem very desirable. However, in an effort to create a Superhero, we can turn a child's experience into that of a created villain. Let's talk about non-identitification and misidentification.

Please check out some of the other amazing blogs for this month at: http://giftedhomeschoolers.org/blog-hops/giftedness-why-matters/

Parenting Children That Don't Exist

I decided to a vlog instead of a blog for this month's topic of Gifted Parenting. I wanted to take my time with this subject and share my heart in discussing my experience of parenting what I call minority cubed children (gifted, homeschooled, African American). While the video is a bit on the long side, I hope you grab a cup of tea and view!

Feel free to share your heart and comment.

Sincerely,

Dr. J

If All Kids are Gifted, Why Isn't Mine in First Place?

I decided to throw my hat into the ring in response to the “All Children are Gifted” mantra that has reared its head recently. It came about because some parents were upset because their children weren’t identified as “gifted”. Because their children weren’t identified as “gifted” they began to demand that “all children are gifted”, which really means “no children are gifted”. It is a jealous and ill-informed rant, a fear they are being left out of some exclusive club. I honestly think they picture gifted families sitting around on yachts, drinking fruity drinks in diamond rimmed glasses, and laughing as our kids get showered with money, and flowers, and candy. Guess what? That isn’t what happens in gifted families. Take a short trip in my world and I am sure you would thank your lucky stars your kid isn't "gifted".

Let me address the notion that “all children are intellectually gifted”. No one in their right mind would declare that “all children are athletically gifted”. My three, highly to profoundly intellectually gifted children are not athletically gifted. They are, however, athletes. They run track; they LOVE track. My eldest runs quite often against an athletically gifted child, let’s call him “The Rock”. The Rock is a curly haired, skinny, actually pretty short kid that you wouldn’t suspect of being a rock star on the track. All that changes when you see him run the 800 and the 1600 meter dash. Last year they were in the 8 and under category, and over the winter The Rock and my son moved up to the 9 – 10 category. The Rock runs these two races so fast that he has the fastest time for the next 3- 4 age categories consistently. I was so intrigued by his skill I looked up his times and historically, not only would he have made the Olympics if he were running 30 years ago, he would have likely been on the medal stand.

The cold hard facts are that my kid will never beat The Rock. That has not at all dampened my kid’s love of running. In fact, he enjoys running against The Rock, it encourage him to run faster. He likes to lessen the amount of time by which he is beat! I cheer for my kid as if he came in first place. I cheer not to appease, but because I know he is out there giving it his all and when he gives his all that is good enough for him and for me. We don’t need to collect medals or trophies; I just need my kid to do what he loves to the best of his ability. I also love watching The Rock run. It is a thing of beauty to see that kid in action, what the human body can do when it is doing what that particularly body is designed to do perfectly well – is stunning. My other kids like to cheer for both their brother “Speedster” (who is probably dead last in the race) and The Rock – who is running like the wind. They too can recognize giftedness and realize that Speedster and the Rock are two different types of runners. One is showing what giftedness, given an opportunity to shine, looks like. The other is showing that every race is personal, and having the courage to go, and run, and finish – outside of medal contention, outside of being put on a pedestal with cameras clicking, to only the 4 or 5 voices shouting from the crowd still watching you run – an entire lap behind the rest of the field, it is still worth competing.

At no point have I ever asked the U S A Track and Field Associated to ban The Rock. Never have I asked any sports venue to stop giving out medals. Never have I grabbed the microphone and declare that “all kids are gifted runners” because my kid wasn’t on the medal stand. I feel nothing but joy for The Rock. I am genuinely proud that I get an opportunity to witness this athletically gifted child come into his own as a track star. We often talk about how my Speedster will one day tell a group of friends while they watch The Rock run in the Olympics – yeah, I ran against him when he was 8 years old! My son would lose out on so much if The Rock ever stopped running because people got mad that he wins every, single 800 and 1600 that he enters. Oh wait, that isn’t true. The Rock doesn’t win every one. While he is the fastest in our state, he isn’t the fastest in the country. Sometimes he comes in second, or third, or fifth when he gets an opportunity to compete against his true peers. This year summer my family is looking forward to traveling to a national competition. My 3 kids will be participating in a triathlon and they might even get to compete in the national event (slowly they are getting better; sometimes they don’t come in last place). I am quite sure they won’t win, even if they quality to compete. They know it too, but they will run anyway. They are running for themselves, not chasing medals or rainbows. Just like their athletically gifted counterparts are running for themselves, and getting medals and applause because society enjoys seeing how close the human body can get to perfection.

If everyone is “gifted” in everything, then no one is good at anything. Maybe the issue isn’t whether or not children should be identified as “gifted”, but that parents should stop being happy only if their child is identified as some sort of “elite” in everything that they do. Chances are, your 6 year old will never “catch” my 6 year old daughter in math. She finished Kindergarten, First Grade, and Second Grade math in 4 months’ time – at 5 years old. Just to be “sure” she knew her stuff, I gave her a different Second Grade math book – she finished it in 5 weeks. She was adding with binary numbers, just for fun, at 5 years old as well. She sometimes wanted us to read her math books as her bedtime story.  Does your child do that? If not, they are probably not intellectually gifted. To tell yourself that they are is to create unreasonable expectations for your child. Unless we start to define being “intellectually gifted” as being a typical 5 year old. At that point, it will be clear that my daughter is something “other” than that, and before you know it there will be some other title that you will have to find a way to tear down and destroy because you can’t bear to hear some other child get applause.

It is a scary world where people parent in a way that won’t allow their children to still feel comfortable and confident with themselves  if others are better than them at one thing or another. My kids have tasted last place and it still went down like honey because they were brave enough to try, to get out there and run, to give it their all. Sometimes my daughter meets another 6 year old that can crush her in math – she still loves math. See, it doesn’t hurt my daughter to understand there are people out there in the world that are better than her in some things, in a lot of things. My job as a parent is not to go chop the world down to a size that will make my kids always a winner, my job is to help my children find their passions in life and pursue them with gusto. My job is to help my children fly as high as they can. In some things, like track – they may fly as low as a bumblebee. They will fly low, slow, choppy, and won’t be noticed much at all. Other times they will soar like eagles and people will watch them in amazement. No matter if they are having a bumblebee moment or an eagle moment – they will always have a mother and a father there cheering them on, simply because they are flying. I personally wouldn’t be able to look at myself in the mirror if in their bumblebee moment, I got embarrassed and decided to try and destroy the innocent eagles flying around them.